The Fifth Commandment: Honor Your Father and Mother is one of the most well-known instructions in the Bible, yet it is often misunderstood. What does it truly mean to honor your parents, and how should this commandment be applied in today’s world? In this article, we will explore the biblical meaning behind this command and why it still matters.
In the previous article, we explored the Fourth Commandment and our responsibility to honor God through the Sabbath. Now, we move into the next section of the Ten Commandments, where God shifts our focus to our relationships with others—beginning with the family.
Did you know…that one of the greatest problems in society today can be traced back to one thing…to a breakdown in the family? How can we prevent this?
Today, we continue our series on the Ten Commandments…and we come to the fifth commandment: Honor Your Father and Your Mother.
👉 Continue through the Ten Commandments series:
👉 Part 4: The Fourth Commandment – The Sabbath
👉 Part 5: The Fifth Commandment – Honor Your Father and Mother
👉 Part 6: The Sixth Commandment – You Shall Not Murder
What is the Fifth Commandment?
Let’s take a look at this Commandment in Scripture: Exodus 20:12 NKJV
12.“Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you.
The family is fundamental to humanity. The family was the first institution formed upon earth. God created Adam and Eve, the first man and the first woman, and they became man and wife. Consequently, Eve bore a son. Therefore, the first family became the key institution, forming the basis for all subsequent human life and development.
It is the family that shapes the community, society, and governments of the world. From the beginning, God designed men and women not to simply exist, but to establish families and raise the next generation. They must produce children, or else everything crucial to humanity would eventually stop existing:
⇒ Human life would end.
⇒ Human society would end.
⇒ Human government would end.
Why This Commandment Still Matters Today
The main idea is that each generation has a responsibility to support and strengthen families for both their own time and for the future. Ignoring this duty is unwise, as the well-being of society and civilization relies on strong families where parents and children respect one another. Therefore, it’s important to focus on building up our families and addressing harmful influences that can threaten them all.
As the Scripture says in Hebrews 12:1 NKJV
- Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us,
So, we must, as the Scripture reads, “…lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us.” The sins such as:
- selfishness
- disrespect
- disobedience
- rebellion
God established the family’s prevalence and magnitude forever when He created the first man and the first woman. He reinforces the superiority of the family with this great commandment: “Honor your father and your mother.”
God commands us—all of us—to honor and respect our fathers and mothers.
Should the family unit crumble, many essential values that support personal well-being—such as honor, respect, concern, responsibility, decency, love, joy, and peace—may diminish. The erosion of these fundamental virtues can, in turn, weaken both the community and society at large.
Therefore, this Commandment is perpetual. It does not apply only to the Old Testament or the Jews. Therefore, as long as men, women, and children live on the earth, we are to honor and obey our parents.
Who Should We Honor After God?
How important is this Commandment? Well, take note that the first four Commandments addressed our duty to God. But once we have done our duty to God, notice that our very next duty is to honor our parents—right behind honoring God—that’s how important this duty is. This is divine order…
honor God first…
Honor parents next.
How Do We Honor Our Parents?
To understand this commandment, we must first understand what it means to honor.
The Hebrew word for honor (kabed) means that we are to respect, esteem, and have a high regard for our parents. The concept of honor includes reverence; we are to esteem and value our parents, showing respect, kindness, and obedience, as suggested by the Greek word timao. In practical terms, the commandment means we are to …
- Respect and obey our parents
- Accept their guidance and corrections
- Consider their advice and concerns
- Provide comfort to them
To honor means listening to our parents and never despising them when they are old.
It is important to recognize that mothers should be respected equally with fathers, and vice versa, as indicated by the directive: “honor your father and your mother.” Both parents are afforded equal status. According to the scripture, God honors and regards mothers and fathers alike, instructing children to show respect to each parent without distinction.
Moving on, this commandment highlights an important principle: learning through example. Children are taught to honor their parents by observing how their own parents honor theirs. The commandment applies to everyone, including adults who are both parents and children; it encourages them to continue showing respect to their parents. Parents should foster a home environment filled with respect and honor, thereby teaching their children by example. Ultimately, this commandment underscores the crucial role parents play in modeling proper behavior for their children.
Titus 2:7 NKJV
- in all things showing yourself to be a pattern of good works; in doctrine showing integrity, reverence, incorruptibility
Proverbs 22:6 NKJV
- Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it.
Parents are responsible for teaching their children this commandment as well as others.
Does Honor Mean Obedience?
Why should children obey their parents?
Children should obey their parents because the Scriptures say so.
Ephesians 6:1-3 says:
- Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.
- “Honor your father and mother,” which is the first commandment with promise: 3. “that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.”
The phrase “in the Lord” explains why children should obey their parents. As it reads, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord,” means that obeying your parents is the right thing to do, it comes from God, and it pleases Him. So, when parents guide and teach them, they should listen.
Children are not told to obey parents because it pleases the parent, but because it pleases the Lord.
Notice the two promises made to children who honor their parents.
First, things will go well for the child. Does this mean that the child will never have problems or have to suffer? No! This is not what the Scripture means. God means that He will be with the child, strengthen and take care of him so that he can walk through the trials of life victoriously. The child will be strengthened and made strong where it counts—in the inner self. It will be enabled to conquer and be victorious over whatever confronts it as it journeys through life.
Second, the child is assured that it will live a long life on earth. Frankly, there is little question that Paul meant this and that we should take it at face value. If a child honestly obeys and honors its parents faithfully—really obeys and honors from the depths of its heart—God will give it a long life on earth.
Difficult Situations: When Honoring is Difficult
However, it is important to note that we must not follow in the steps of evil parents as some have done in the past. Although honoring parents is a fundamental obligation, this does not necessitate emulating parents whose actions are inconsistent with moral or ethical standards.
Ezekiel 20:18-19
- “But I said to their children in the wilderness, ‘Do not walk in the statutes of your fathers, nor observe their judgments, nor defile yourselves with their idols.
- I am the Lord your God: Walk in My statutes, keep My judgments, and do them;
What About Abused Children?
Children are to obey their parents. But what about the problems that are so repulsively evident in society: the problems of parental abuse, the problems of physical abuse, sexual abuse, and mental abuse? Is a child to obey a parent when the parent is so devilishly wrong? No!
A child’s obedience has its limits. If a parent acts in ways that do not honor the Lord, the child is not required to obey. The Lord does not support unrighteousness or the mistreatment of children. If a child can escape such harmful behavior, it has the right to do so. The Lord’s purpose is to free people from abuse and sin, not to keep them trapped in it, and certainly not to let children suffer under it.
Jesus gave one of the strongest warnings in history to adults who harm children:
Mark 9:42 NKJV
- “But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to stumble, it would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were thrown into the sea.
Any parent who abuses a child should take this seriously because God will not tolerate the abuse of a child. We must share what the Bible says: children should obey their parents, but only if their parents’ wishes and instructions align with the Lord’s will.
God’s Order: Honor God First, Parents Next
If a parent ever instructs a child to do something that clearly contradicts God’s commands, that child must obey God rather than his/her parents.
Further, if a child is able to escape the harmful influence and mistreatment of its parents, it deserves the right to be separated from them. The child should go to another adult they feel close to and ask for help.
Let’s look at what it reads in Acts 5:29 NKJV
- But Peter and the other apostles answered and said: “We ought to obey God rather than men.
Honoring Parents as Adults
Now, understand that Scripture does not address only children of a certain age. Instead, it speaks to everyone who still has living parents. We are called to honor our fathers and mothers, to see them as precious, and to show them respect and reverence. Sadly, this attitude is becoming less common. Too often, children respond to their parents in ways such as:
- talking back
- cutting the parent
- ignoring the parent
- grumbling
- speaking disrespectfully
- not listening
- acting like a know-it-all
- calling the parent a cute but disrespectful name
- disregarding instructions
- putting off instructions
In addition to these, there is the dishonor of delinquency, crime, drugs, alcohol, and the abuse of property, and the list could go on and on. And when it comes to adult children with aged parents, there is the dishonor of neglect, the ignoring of their needs, and the shuffling of them to the side and failing to adequately care for them.
Too many adult children forget how much their parents have done for them—bringing them into the world and caring for them for years. Too many children forget the rich experience and knowledge their parents have gained over the years, which could be put to great use in meeting community and world needs. And even if the parents failed to be and to do all they should have, we as Christian children are instructed to honor them as followers of the Lord Jesus Christ.
Consequences of Disobedience
So, what are the consequences of disobedience?
This commandment is presented positively as an invitation from God to obey. Obedience is met with promised blessings, while disobedience results in serious consequences.
An individual who consistently fails to honor their parents risks jeopardizing their eternal destiny. According to Scripture, those characterized by sinful actions will not inherit the kingdom of God.
Romans 1:28-32 reads:
- And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a debased mind, to do those things which are not fitting;
- being filled with all unrighteousness, sexual immorality, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, evil-mindedness; they are whisperers,
- backbiters, haters of God, violent, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, DISOBEDIENT TO PARENTS,
- undiscerning, untrustworthy, unloving, unforgiving, unmerciful;
- who, knowing the righteous judgment of God, that those who practice such things are DESERVING OF DEATH, not only do the same but also approve of those who practice them.
Disregarding and disobeying parents is deserving of death. This is not a small matter!
Practical Ways to Honor Your Parents
What does this commandment ask of us? Simply this—obedience.
The point is simply this: the law of obedience is part of the very nature of things. It lies at the heart of the universe and shapes how people live and act on Earth.
Many of the world’s problems, maybe even most, could be solved if people followed the fifth commandment. This commandment is clear and positive: we are to honor our fathers and mothers.
Let’s look at what Scripture teaches and the choices this commandment calls for:
We should honor our parents because it is one of God’s Ten Commandments.
We should honor our parents because it is simply the right thing to do.
Honoring our parents can lead to a longer life and a happier home, instead of one filled with tension. This is how:
We should show our parents respect and reverence.
We are called to obey our parents in the Lord.
We should hold on to and follow the teachings our parents give us.
We should pay attention to the Christian example our parents set for us.
We are to obey our parents even after we become adults.
We should care for our parents as they grow older.
That sums up the fifth Commandment!
Final Thoughts
Bottom line:
As Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 7:19 NKJV
- Circumcision is nothing and uncircumcision is nothing, but keeping the commandments of God is what matters.
You see, it’s not about ceremony; that was important at one time. But what is really important today is keeping the Commandments of God. All of them! And that is what really matters.
We must obey the Fifth Commandment!
Amen!
Questions, comments, and concerns may be left below.
Blessings!
👉 Videos
For a visual presentation, watch the full video below.
If you’re tight on time, watch the Short.
Continue through the Ten Commandments series below:
👉 Part 1: The First Commandment – No Other Gods
👉 Part 2: The Second Commandment – No Idols
👉 Part 3: The Third Commandment – Do Not Take His Name in Vain
👉 Part 4: The Fourth Commandment – The Sabbath
👉 Part 5: The Fifth Commandment – Honor Your Father and Mother
👉 Part 6: The Sixth Commandment – You Shall Not Murder
